Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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