shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
