i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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