You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
