He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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