Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He better not be in your backpack
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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