she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize