I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
