yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..