just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit