i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one