no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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