I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
