I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
