I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
