I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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