if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
