he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i have two assholes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
