You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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