She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
