a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
