He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fill condoms, not promises.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
