He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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