i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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