I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
