My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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