Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
