Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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