Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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