drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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