I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
