ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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