I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
