Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We are all done wearing pants today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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