I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
