Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
