I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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