Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
