2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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