God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
