Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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