Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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