does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
