I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
