Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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