I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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