i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
