Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
