so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Randomize
