Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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