# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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