what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
