True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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