That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
