It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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