Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
