You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
