My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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