i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
