Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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