I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
